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Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Trees



Well, I have been away for a few days respite. There has been major family drama going on, so I went away for a few days to get a break. I was going a bit manic to cope with the stress, and wasn't sleeping over the past fortnight. I'm back home now, refreshed, and hopefully more positive about the situation I cannot change.

I think "acceptance" of bad situations and the hurdles that life throws at us, is easier said than done. Some people are like Willow trees...able to bend and flow with hostile winds; and a lot more flexible than those who are more like the solid Oak tree lol!

I am definitely an Oak tree. I read somewhere that coping with change depends on the emotional investment you have in the situation.

At the moment my 87 year old nan is moving from her bungalow opposite my mum, to a flat nearer my uncle. My uncle has never got on with my mum, despite my mum trying to develop a relationship with him. My nan has Alzheimers- brought on by the loss of my grandad last May- and the flat she's moving to is not suitable for her needs. My uncle has been making lots of hostile allegations against my mum (including abuse and theft), who has been the primary carer for my nan, grandad and myself for the past 15 years. It's all very messy and very emotional.

My nan is very vulnerable and confused, and is not in a position to make decisions for herself. There are also lots of people around who I fear may take advantage of her once she moves away...for example, she has a "friend" who is constantly asking for money. My "emotional investment" in the situation got on top of me recently, so I had to have a few days away. I'm upset about the treatment of my mum, who seems to have been made into a criminal, when she has been the only one there to take care of the family; and I'm upset that my uncle has come swooping in at the last minute and upset things within the family (he only returned from spain two years ago).

I know this has happened in other people's families, so we're not the only ones. I guess you can't choose your family. I'm working on trying to accept the situation and support my mum. I'm also trying to learn to be more flexible, and look at ways of communicating/releasing my emotions in more contructive ways. I'm just praying the situation fizzles out soon, but I'm sad that it feels as if we've lost my nan so soon after my grandad.

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